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Home Becomes a Hospice
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Top 5 Ways to Stay Out of a Nursing Home
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Home Becomes a Hospice
by Linda Owen
Many a traveler has driven by the Calo-oy's nine bedroom home in northwest San Antonio and wondered what kind of people live in such a big house-perhaps an entrepreneur or a professional athlete? Who would suspect this is the residence of a couple who devotes every hour, day and night, to their dying residents?
Starr and Bob Calo-oy
For 17 years, Starr and Bob Calo-oy, married 26 years with ten children, have cared for terminally ill and Alzheimer patients in their own home until their guests pass away. Their first patient was a retired preacher with Alzheimer's disease, whom they brought into their home as a favor to a friend. Shortly thereafter, the preacher had a massive stroke and became their first hospice patient. The experience was so rewarding, the Calo-oys began working hand-in-hand with local agencies to provide residential care for others. Since then, they have been caregivers for quadriplegics, paraplegics, head injuries, the disabled and elderly.
To provide the highest quality of care available, Starr and Bob decided to care for only three patients at a time. Starr says she has time to pamper her patients because she and Bob are equal partners in home care. Bob even took the Certified Nurse's Assistant course with Starr so that both could perform the necessary medical procedures and bathe patients. For as long as Starr can remember, Bob has done all the grocery shopping, driven patients to the doctor, and dealt with workmen. He often brings fresh flowers home to brighten a patient's day. Together they counsel and comfort family members.
"We love working with the families," Starr says. "We've seen so much grief and pain and people who didn't know what to do. They don't want to put loved ones in a nursing home, but they can no longer care for them. The Calo-oys enjoy taking patients into their home and showing families that there is a place for them and they are cared for by people with loving hearts. When the adult children come over, Starr serves a meal so they can have a pleasant visit. Time and time again, Starr and Bob have offered advice and relieved the anxiety and hopelessness of family members.
As if caring for three high maintenance residents and all their families, reporting to doctors, nurses and agencies--in addition to their own two small children still at home—isn't enough to keep them busy, Starr and Bob are also authors of the Caring Caregivers Guides book series. They also write advice columns for San Antonio publications.
Recently, for the first time in over a decade, Bob and Starr found themselves with no hospice patients in the house. During this break, the couple decided it was time to share what they had learned with other caregivers. Starr is now concentrating on writing more books and speaking to groups about providing successful home care. Her second book, Hospice Care at Home, gives step-by-step advice on caring for a loved one; for example how to give an adult a bath. It also includes information on the signs of impending death, how to handle the flood of emotions, how to avoid caregiver burnout and how to plan a funeral.
So many families feel incompetent to care for their loved ones," Starr explains. "I wanted to write a book to tell people, 'You are capable; all you have to do is not be afraid or worried. Get with a good hospice agency—they'll provide the knowledge you need. Many services now come to your home, like x-ray machine operators, medical suppliers, and barbers. You're not in this alone.'"
When asked how they have the energy and time to do so much for so many people, they reply, "We pray together. We also watch out for each other's rest and get away alone together. We play games regularly with each other and the children. Most of all, if you're going to put others' desires and needs before your own, you have to love them, really love them. Love can overcome anything."
